10 Signs You’re Secretly a Wellness Hoe

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What on earth is a wellness hoe?

Don’t worry, I was just as confused as you are. It’s not as crazy as it sounds, in fact, it may just be your secret identity.

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I have scoured the internet in search of an all-encompassing definition to describe what a wellness hoe actually is. But in order to truly capture the essence of the term, I’ve compiled 10 points to help you investigate how much of a wellness hoe you are. Off we go!

 

1. You can’t resist a Scented Candle

Okay. I totally get this because my luxury scented candle collection is getting out of control. Basically, if the thought of a basil and mint scented candle gives you goosebumps, or a french vanilla creme brulee candle makes you want to scream with excitement, you’re a wellness hoe. And its not just the glorious blend of aromas that send tingles up your spine, the jar is important too! Think rose gold, minimalist glass and fancy fonts. Oh my God, I can already smell all the new candles I’ll be buying tomorrow.

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2. You are the Queen of Journals

If you’re anything like me, you have more journals than you can count. They’re strewn about your house, waiting for you to pick up a pen and immortalize your memories, emotions, poetry etc. You have a journal for recipes and meal plans. You have a journal for documenting each day. You may even have a journal dedicated to all the cute dogs you see throughout the week (which is of course, the best kind of journal!) No matter what you use your special journals for, we can all agree that writing/doodles go hand in hand with wellness.

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3. Coconut Oil is your solution to everything

Ahhh coconut oil. The most versatile of all the oils if you ask me. Looking for a 1-ingredient hair mask? Coconut oil. Skin needs some extra moisture? Coconut oil. Existential Crisis? Coconut oil! There are very few things that coconut oil can’t fix. If you’re anything like me, you buy it by the truckload and use it daily! If this has prompted you to run out to the store and buy a big tub right now, make sure you choose organic extra virgin coconut oil. Enjoy and welcome to the coconut club!

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4. Athleisure dominates your wardrobe

If you already know what Athleisure is, chances are you are comfortable all day long. Athleisure is the term coined by visionaries who realised that fashion and comfort could indeed be combined! Yoga pants, Nike Air and cute hoodies are your everyday attire and you will wear it with pride to brunch and basically anywhere that requires pants.

5. Your house plants are your babies

The only millennial stereotype that I will accept is the one claiming that we are 100% obsessed with house plants. Perhaps its the minimalist aesthetic it adds to your home, or the sense of pride you feel knowing that you are capable of keeping another organism alive! All I know is that succulents, aloe plants and seedlings are the recipients of my love and the models on my Instagram feed.

6. Face Masks are your specialty

True wellness hoes know that if need be, face masks can be whipped up using whatever you have in your kitchen. From creamy avocado and cucumber to polishing brown sugar and honey, you are a wizard in the face mask department. Not only can you turn any sleepover into a spa experience, but you are on a first name basis with everyone at Lush, The Body Shop and Sephora.

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7. Your kitchen is stocked like a trendy cafe

Your friends love coming over to spill tea, especially when your cupboards are filled with a variety of fancy loose leaf teas from elder flower to chamomile. Your wisdom lies in your ability to solve any problem with a hot cup of tea and good book. But its not just tea you’re passionate about, you also have a soft spot for organic coffee beans and french vanilla creamer. Yum!

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8. Sleep is Everything

You prioritize your full 8 hours of sleep over pretty much everything. Nothing can compete with cozy cocoon of blankets and pillow, especially after a warm bath and a slather of peach scented body butter. You have your night time routine down to a fine art and will eliminate anyone who threatens to disrupt it. Yes, its that serious.

Friend: Meet me at the pub for drinks?

Me: It’s after 10, my bra is off, my night cream is on and I am wrapped like a burrito of happiness.

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9. You’re about that Green Juice life

Yeah yeah, judge all you want, but you have to admit that drinking a green juice is like an explosion of goodness in your body. Just imagining all the vitamins and nutrients in each sip is enough to make a girl want some of that natural nectar immediately! And if you’re still not convinced, think of it like this: Green Juice is like an elixir to help combat any unplanned doughnut and pizza cheat days! Plus it actually tastes pretty good!

10. Farmers Markets over Clubs Anyday

You love a bit of spontaneity and dancing, but given the choice between a trip to the farmers market and a packed club full of drunken strangers, and the farmers market wins every single time. Perhaps you’re like me, a total foodie who falls in love with artisanal bread and colourful flowers. If you are, you’re likely to enjoy iced coffees and freshly baked pastries with your closest friends at the local organic market. From handmade trinkets to hummus and olives, your adventures in the sunshine never disappoint!

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If you do any of the 10 things above, congratulations, you’re a wellness hoe! Enjoy a life filled with happiness!

-Pri

-All text is subject to Copyright (2018)

-Images are not my own

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